The Three Little Exceeds
by Willow-Bane
Summary: A Fairy Tail take on The Three Little Pigs.
**The Three Little Exceeds**

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Disclaimer – I do not own Fairy Tail

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 **Summary** : A Fairy Tail take on _The Three Little Pigs_.

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 **The Three Little Exceeds**

Once upon a time, there was an old Exceed named Shagotte who had three little Exceeds of her own. Realizing that she would no longer be able to take care of them, she sent the cats out to seek out their own fortunes.

Packing up their minimal belongings, the three little Exceeds set out on different paths, all hoping to obtain their fate.

The first Exceed, Happy, went off and met a woman who had a bundle of straw. She seemed tipsy and reeked of alcohol, but Happy threw caution to the wind and approached her. "Please, smelly lady, give me that straw so that I can build a house."

Belching in an unladylike manner, the woman replied, "Sure! If you give me a bottle of your best wine!"

Happy frowned. He didn't have any wine. But he did have a bottle of olive oil he was saving to cook his fish with. It kind of looked like wine. "Here," said Happy, handing over the bottle of olive oil. He was met with a bundle of straw being hurled at his face.

"Bless you, dear pig," said the woman, smiling dreamily at the bottle.

Happy stared. "I'm a cat."

"Yeah, whatever. You've got your straw and I've got this baby."

Hefting the bundle of straw over his shoulders, Happy marched on. He quickened his pace, however, when the woman spat out the olive oil and gagged. "That little pig tricked me!"

"I'm a cat!" Happy yelled back.

* * *

Happy put his paws on his hips and stared at his finished house that he'd built out of straw. He'd done a fairly good job, if he did say so himself. Now he was ready to get his fish dinner started. Stepping into his house, he began to prepare his fish.

However, it wasn't much longer before the Big Bad Dragon came along. He knocked on the door and said, "Tiny pig, tiny pig, let me in!"

"Why does everybody think I'm a pig? I'm a cat!" exclaimed Happy.

The Big Bad Dragon cleared his throat. "Fine. Let me start over."

"Okay."

"Tiny cat, tiny cat, let me in!"

"Not by the whiskers while I'm making din-din!" replied Happy.

There was a pause.

"What kind of a rhyme is that?!" shouted the dragon.

"If you don't like it, leave!"

"But—!"

"Leave!"

"Hey! Are you gonna let me in or not?!"

"Why would I let you in?"

"So I can eat you!"

"What?!" Happy screamed. "Why would I let you in if you're going to eat me?"

"Fine. If that's how it's gonna be, then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll burn your house down!" roared the Big Bad Dragon.

So he huffed, and he puffed, and he burned the house down. The house collapsed in ashes around Happy. His fish was now a pile of cinders.

"WAAAH! YOU'RE SO MEEEAAAANN!" wailed Happy as he flew off.

"Wait," started the dragon, "that pig can fly?!"

"For the last time, I'm a cat!"

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The second Exceed, Lily, met a short, old man who had a bundle of sticks. He had a magazine before him and he was cackling pervertedly as he took in the pictures.

Lily cleared his throat. "Excuse me, sir, may I please have that bundle of sticks so that I may build a house?"

"Sure, sure. Whatever. Take them," said the old man, waving him off.

Taking a hesitant step forward, Lily picked up the bundle of sticks and threw them over his shoulders. "Thank you," he said before walking away.

Not five minutes later as Lily made his way down the road did he hear the old man shout.

"WHERE DID MY BUNDLE OF STICKS GO?!"

Lily huffed. It served the pervy, old man right.

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"This is a house to be proud of," said Lily, gazing up at his house made of sticks. "Now it's time to make dinner."

"LILY! HELP MEEEE!" cried Happy as he hurled himself at his brother. "The dragon is trying to eat me!"

A dragon? Lily peered around Happy. He didn't see a dragon.

"He burned my house down!" sobbed Happy.

"Hm," started Lily, "let's get inside. You may stay with me for the time being." Lily led his younger brother into his house.

Not soon after they holed up inside that the Big Bad Dragon came along. He knocked on the door. "Tiny pi—!"

"We're cats!" interrupted Happy.

The dragon sighed in irritation. "Tiny cats, tiny cats, let me in!"

"Not by the whiskers while we're making din-din!" shouted Happy. Lily eyed him strangely.

"You really need to come up with a better rhyme. It's just not working for me," replied the dragon through the door.

"If you don't like it, go away!" said Happy.

"You should know by now that that's not how this works!"

"I don't care! You burned my fish!"

" _That's_ what you're mad about? Some stinky fish?"

"It was my fish! And it wasn't stinky!"

"But I burned your house down! Why would you care about some stupid fi—?"

"Enough!" roared Lily. He'd had enough of the dragon and his brother. "Why are you here?"

"I'm here to eat you!" replied the Big Bad Dragon.

Lily's eye twitched. "And why would we let you in after saying that?"

The dragon paused. "You know what? Screw this! I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll burn your house down!" So he huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and at last, he burned the house down.

"WHY ARE YOU SO MEEEAANN?!" wailed Happy as he took his brother's paw and flew off with him.

The Big Bad Dragon's eyes widened. " _Two_ flying pigs?!"

"We're cats!" both Happy and Lily shouted.

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The third Exceed, Carla, met an…indecent man on the side of the road who had a wheelbarrow full of bricks.

"So despicable," Carla mumbled under her breath. "Sir, may I have those bricks so that I may build my house?"

The naked man looked at her and said, "What'll you give me for them?"

"How about a call to the authorities for your display of indecency?"

"What?" He looked down. "Where'd they go?" The naked man then took off into the woods, abandoning his wheelbarrow of bricks.

"Hmph," started Carla before she made toward the bricks. "Serves him right."

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Carla dusted off her paws and smiled at her sturdy house made of bricks. It had taken quite some time, but it was well worth it.

"CARLA!"

The little Exceed pinched the bridge of her nose when she heard her two brothers yelling for her. "What is it?" she snapped. She'd been so close to being rid of them.

"A dragon burned our houses down," said Lily.

"And he's trying to eat us!" added Happy.

"Fine. Get inside where it's safe," said Carla.

Not soon after, the Big Bad Dragon approached the house and knocked on the door. "Tiny pi-cat, tiny cat, let me in!"

"Not by the whiskers while we're making din-din," said Happy as he glared at the door. Lily and Carla rolled their eyes.

"You _really_ need to come up with a better rhyme," grumbled the dragon.

"You're the one who started it!" argued Happy.

"I'm not the one trying to rhyme! All I said was tiny cat, tiny cat, let me in! And then you started this whole rhyme business, you weirdo furball!"

"Who're you calling a weirdo furball?"

"You! You're weird and you're a furball!"

"Why don't you say that to my face?"

"I would, but there's currently a door in it!"

"And whose fault is that?"

"Yours, because you won't let me in!"

"Will you two shut up already?!" snapped Carla. She'd had enough of this nonsense. "Why on earth would we let you in?"

"So I can eat you!"

"Why would _anybody_ let _anyone_ into their home after being told they were going to be eaten?" asked Carla. This was the stupidest dragon she'd ever encountered. Not that she'd met many.

"Fine! Have it your way!" the dragon roared. "Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll burn your house down!"

So, the Big Bad Dragon huffed, and he puffed, and he puffed, and he huffed, and he huffed, and he puffed some more. But he could not burn the house down.

"Why won't it burn?!" shouted the dragon as he stomped his feet in anger.

"Brick doesn't burn easily, does it," said Carla, stating the obvious. This was a _really_ stupid dragon.

"This sucks! All I wanted was a nice pig dinner and you had to make a house that won't burn down! Well, you know what? Fine! Stay in there!" yelled the dragon. "Stupid pigs."

"What…did you call us?" started Carla from the other side of the door, her voice dangerously low.

"Uh…pigs?"

"You…called…us…PIGS?!" Carla ripped open the door.

"Carla, what are you doing? He'd going to eat us now!" exclaimed Happy, paws clutching his cheeks. He was ignored.

"Yeah! So what of it?"

Carla extended her claws. They looked sharp and shiny in the setting sun. "Say it again. I dare you."

The Big Bad Dragon got right into her face. "Pigs. YEOWCH!" He staggered back, clutching his nose, which was now cut deep with claw marks. "I didn't know pigs had claws!"

"For the last time, we're cats!" the three Exceeds shouted simultaneously.

"Fine! You're cats!" said the dragon. "Can I still eat you?"

"NO!" they shouted.

"Okay! Jeez! No need to get snippy," he grumbled. "I didn't want to eat some pudgy, little cats anyway."

"Pudgy?" said Carla as she glared menacingly at the dragon. She extended her claws again. "I'll be right back boys. It's seems _dragon_ will be on the menu tonight."

Happy and Lily's eyes widened as they watched their sister flying after the Big Bad Dragon, who kept apologizing profusely for calling her 'fat.'

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"Heheh. Hey, Lucy. This is actually pretty good," said Natsu, looking up from Lucy's manuscript.

The Celestial Mage's eyes widened in realization. She immediately snatched it away from him, clutching it to her chest. "Who said you could read that?!"

"What? It was really good!" replied Natsu. "And that dragon sounded _really_ familiar."

Lucy's face reddened. "Y-Yeah?"

"It was Gray, wasn't it?"

Lucy resisted the urge to bash her head into the wall. Sighing in defeat, she said, "Yes, Natsu. It was Gray."

"Ha! I knew it!" he cackled. "He _would_ be that stupid."

 _He's not the only one_ , Lucy thought. _Stupid dragon._

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 **End**


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